It’s all about the story.

We all have stories from our childhood. Some of them are funny, some are sad and some touch our hearts and fill us with joy. Some, well, they are just plain tragic.

What if you could get in touch with those stories again? All of them.

The ones that fill us with joy help us carry on through the dark nights. Those that make us sad fill our heart with tears and wash away the sorrow in time.

The tragic ones, well they are the ones that make us stronger, build character, as my mother used to say.

Still, no one wants to remember that crappy stuff that happened when we were kids or young adults or even last week. Yet they are still there, stuck in our psyche and they hold us back. Keep us from being the amazing people we were meant to be.

I don’t want to remember that Saturday morning when my father came to my room the first time. I don’t want to remember the time my uncle took me into the bedroom.

I don’t want to remember the first time my first husband wanted me to sleep with someone else. I don’t want to remember that I once wanted to kill myself.

I don’t want to know that I’m lonely, that as much as I tell myself I’m happy, I live in an amazing place, I have a beautiful daughter and a loving husband and I’m doing the most amazing work with women like myself – that I’m lonely.

I keep myself busy. I’m really good at that! I schedule appointments, create e-mails, design websites and logos and fliers. I go to my weekly Reiki circle and Nia and on and on. But the truth is, when all that is done, I’m lonely. Achingly lonely!

I have friends, acquaintances, I work with wonderful people, but still something is missing. Who can I call when I want to go to the movies at the last minute? Who can I call when I want to go for a short walk and just talk?

Why do I feel like there is no one there?

Something is missing.

What is it? I’m missing the connection. The connection to my husband? The deep connection that keeps us growing together as a couple and sharing the joy of life?

No. The truth is what I’m really missing is the connection to my Self.

So, how do I get that back? Well I know that really. I teach that for heaven’s sake. We do, after all, teach what we need to learn for ourselves. So I ask myself, “When was the first time you felt this way?” (My Transpersonal Psychologist taught me well.)

Share your story

Immediately I get a picture in my head: I run into my bedroom and throw myself on the bed. I’m probably 12 or so and I wanted to ride bikes with my friend Mary Geraldine but she couldn’t (or wouldn’t, I can’t remember now) and there was no one else to play with. My brother was busy, my sister was busy, everyone I knew was busy. Too busy to play with me. I lay on the bed and cry, feeling sorry for myself. Feeling unloved, unlovable.

Seriously? This simple story in my life as a child is my defining moment? This! 

This is where my deep loneliness comes from?

My adult brain says, “Oh for God’s sake! You are not the first person to have ‘nothing to do and no one to play with!’ Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Suck it up.”

But the child is in pain. She lays there across that bed. She is lonely, oh so lonely!

How can you possibly be lonely when there are five other kids in the family? There’s always something going on. It’s always busy. But suddenly I am alone. I don’t know what to do with just myself.

Who am I without everyone around me?

I am defined by those around me. By those I touch. By those who touch me.

Aren’t we all defined by those who surround us? By those who touch us (good or bad). By those we touch? By our stories? The stories we let run around in our heads over and over.

What stories are running around in your head? Are they wonderful stories of childhood, stories of teenage love, stories of loss, hurt, or anger?

Share those stories with me.

Because touching those old stories and letting them go will change your life. Get you out of that loneliness, that feeling of sadness and whatever is holding you back from being in touch with your Self.

Have I resolved that sense of loneliness? No, not yet, but now that I know where it stems from, I can move forward and realize. it’s not the end of the world.

In fact, it’s the beginning of healing.

Touching those stories is step one for me. Now the work (and the fun) begins…

Don’t let those painful stories define you another minute. Make the choice to re-define yourself.

I look forward to hearing from you.